I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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