??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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