i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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