Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
