I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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