Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Enjoy the penises
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
