Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
