Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
