Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
