All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
