so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
