She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
