just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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