If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
