Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
