Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
