It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
