my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
