Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
