The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
