Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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