fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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