Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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