I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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