i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
