I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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