your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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