i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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