So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
