is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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