Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
