Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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