She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
