first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
