I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
