I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
