since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
