Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
