i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
