Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
