He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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