Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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