I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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