Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
