Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
