filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
