brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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