Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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