my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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