Do you still have your period?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
