Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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