Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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