Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
