his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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