Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Randomize
