help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize