Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
