Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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