Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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