Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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