its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
