soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
