woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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