Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
