ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
