Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
