I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
