how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
