Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
