This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone came in the potted fern
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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