I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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