We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
