There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
