Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize