I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
