new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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