she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
