Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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