just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
