my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
