...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
