i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
