I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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