Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
