this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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