party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Text me some of your sweat
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