when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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