God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize