wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
