if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
