You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
