and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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