so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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