And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
