ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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