She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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