we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
