the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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