remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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