Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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