Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
